A brief video of my journey through the Battle of the Beasts so far.
Tag: Injury
Battle Of The Beasts 2013 Wrap Up
The lead up to this years Battle of the Beasts was an enormous challenge for me. My primary aim was about raising awareness and fundraising for Soldier On; of which I increased my efforts ten-fold from last year. I spent a good 6 months fundraising and helping to raise the profile of Soldier On before I even thought about how I was going to tackle a huge weekend of riding.
The Fundraising
I’ve written at length about why I ride for Soldier On, so I’ll skip that part. In early April this year I approached Soldier On about producing a cycling jersey that I could wear while commuting, training and racing.
.:Soldier On at the Battle of the Beasts 2013:.
While Soldier On had a fairly comprehensive list of merchandise the one thing they didn’t have was a cycling jersey; and I figured the running shirt I wore last year wasn’t going to cut it for comfort and practicality. So with the help of Meredith and John from Soldier On we came up with a design and had a set of jerseys made by On The Go Sports.
.:Soldier On Jersey at the Scott 25hr:.
In just a few weeks of wearing the jersey in Canberra I had drummed up enough interest about my riding and Soldier On that it was time to start a Facebook page to get the word out to a wider audience. So suddenly I was a mediocre mountain biker representing a charity whose mission it is to better the lives of wounded servicemen, servicewomen and their families.
It took me quite a while to realise that I was in fact one of these Soldiers that Soldier On aims to help. And each and every-time I put on the jersey I was showing the public and other veterans that you can empower yourself with something as simple as riding a bike.
When it came time to register for the Battle of the Beasts, I signed up for both days of riding; the 42km Flowing Beast and the 72km The Beast. The decision to ride both races was an easy one; I rode one race last year, so this year it was only natural that I would ride two races. With the ongoing support from Luke and Dan from Beast-Worx, and John, Meredith and Anna from Soldier On; I started my 2013 fundraising campaign.
Regular updates on this Blog, Facebook, my fundraising page and Twitter became the norm. Soon I was attracting “likes” and “followers” from as far away as the USA and slowly the donations started to trickle in.
I wanted to branch out more this year so I contacted a number of Defence-aligned companies and local Canberra businesses. Out of the 27 companies/businesses I contacted only 1 stepped up and helped out. Pushys Bike Warehouse at Fyshwick supported me by providing awesome deals on products in store that kept my bike rolling.
Of the other companies/businesses only 6 replied; with 2 of the replies bordering on offensive to not only my request for support but to all Veterans of Australia.
The Lead Up Training
From the moment I decided to ride The Beast again I knew I would have to actually train for this years race. Last year I lost almost 7kg through sweating, vomiting and post race bleeding from the kidneys (clearly my hydration/nutrition plan was a failure).
.:Post Beast 2012:.
Despite riding to work and racing quite regularly I knew I would have to put more kilometres of dirt under the tyres with more emphasis on climbing. So I started a 4 month training regime; and posted my weekly training updates on this blog. As the weeks turned to days and then to hours before the first race of the Battle of the Beasts weekend; I knew I was fitter and more mentally prepared for this years event.
The Preparation
My prep was simple; working bike, working body and enough fuel to keep that body going. I had spent a lot of time working out what was the best way for me to keep hydrated and fuelled through a lot of trial and error. I sat down the day before the Flowing Beast and mapped out a plan for both days of riding; and I’m very happy to say I stuck to the plan for The Beast.
The Flowing Beast on the other hand…well I’ll get to that soon.
The Flowing Beast – Saturday 19 October 2013
First of all I didn’t intend to actually race the 42km course. With the Beast the next day and being fairly warm and sunny; I thought it best if I just pedalled around the course for two laps and saved my legs for the next day.
.:Drumming on the bars waiting for the race start:.
.:And we’re off for the Flowing Beast:.
Well the original plan went out the window as soon as I found myself passing the majority of the field on the first fire-road climb. Somehow I was in the lead pack just behind the Dynamic Motivation crew. As we entered the first lot of singletrack I back off a bit and let a few riders pass; but I soon chased them back down as we entered the second half of the 21km course.
.:Brettski was out taking photos on the course… Pushing up the hill lap 1:.
As I headed through transition and swapped out bottles I found myself alone as I started the climbs of the first half of the course. I kept looking behind me and anticipated the inevitable call of “track” signalling a faster rider was bearing down on me. For the first time in a race ever, this didn’t happen. In fact I started passing more and more riders as the end of the race drew closer.
.:Brettski was out taking photos on the course… A little more pain this time on lap 2:.
I knew I wasn’t going to catch the elite riders but I also knew I was going to post a good time so I pushed on and ended up catching the race sweep before changing to the big ring and powering up the final climb and towards the finish line.
.Crossing the finish line:.
By the end of the race I had ridden 44.2km in 2hr39min. An effort I was very happy with; but something I would undoubtedly regret the next day when my legs would start screaming at me.
Something I’ve been doing lately is taking before and after race photos. Below is my before and afters of the Flowing Beast; I lost 2.7kg during the days riding.
.:Before the race:.
.:After the race:.
The Beast – Sunday 20 October 2013
Fizz from The Berm said of last years race: “there are those that have done the Beast event, and those that have not“. To be honest he is right.
Many riders complained before last years race that 72km on a fire-road was too easy. Well considering the number of DNF’s for the race was in double figures I wasn’t surprised to hear the same people complain that it was too hard by the end of race day.
I wasn’t physically or mentally prepared for last years race but I finished and that was something I was incredibly proud of. Along with finishing the race I raised $5’702 for Soldier On; which made the blood, sweat and tears worth it. As I detailed in my 2012 wrap up it was the hardest thing I had done physically outside of the Army.
The day started with the long drive out to Caloola Farm and re-registration. I had left my race plate on my bike from the previous day and considering it was attached to the roof of my car; it didn’t survive the drive home.
I attached the new race plate to Kate and set out to mingle with some of the other riders and the Soldier On crew.
With the bike ready, knicks and jersey on it was time for the pre-race brief from Beast-Worx Luke. Along with the obligatory course info and safety brief; Luke called me out in front of the other riders and explained about Soldier On and introduced me and spoke briefly about my fundraising efforts.
.:Out the front with Luke:.
Minutes later we were lined up near the start point. Last years Beast’s Jeremy Ross and Anne Broadbent soon headed off with the elite pack chasing a few minutes later.
.:The start line:.
After the elites had crossed the first creek the rest of the pack headed off. I had a plan committed to memory; I had broken the course down to 15km sections with an average speed and time-frame to achieve.
.:I started with Adam “Rocket” Rolls before he powered off into the distance:.
Even after riding the Flowing Beast the day before I felt somewhat fresh and watched as the kilometres started increasing on my GPS. With a different bike, sans Camelback and with a lower temperature and cloud cover this year; I was soon reaching checkpoint after checkpoint and riding up climbs I walked the year before. On the steep climbs I did walk; I only dismounted when my speed dropped lower than I could walk pushing the bike.
With just two bottles on board I monitored my fluid intake carefully. Despite the lower temperatures I kept to my plan and consumed food and water to plan and stopped at each checkpoint to refill my water. While riding with last years riding-buddy Argo; I was making good time and resisted the temptation to push out.
Last year Argo took the lead and I followed him; without his encouragement I doubt I would have finished. But this year I had to tackle this course on my own; I needed to tame The Beast solo and soon I found myself climbing the steep inclines and braving the steep declines by myself.
I was methodical in sticking with my riding plan and didn’t alter from it until the final 8km of the course. After getting up Mt Soldier On by jogging to each water bar, resting for a count of ten and then repeating. I was soon on the way to the finish line. I had a moment of pure elation when I rode on the track named after me, “Dobbsie’s Run”, and screamed out a “F**k yeah!” for all the valley to hear.
I sped down the hill to the final checkpoint and refilled both of my bottles with the intention of throwing my riding plan to the wayside. I had a time-frame I wanted to finish in and I was nearing the start of that bracket. So I zipped up my jersey, changed into the big ring and started pushing to the end.
For the next 7km I didn’t see or hear another rider. I ignored my GPS and pushed past my intended speed and soon I could see the main fire-road that would take me back to the event centre and the finish line. Soon the last few kilometres disappeared, I hit the grass and rode under the finish line banner to end The Battle Of The Beasts for 2013.
.:And just like that, it was over:.
It was a good feeling to finish and an even better feeling to know I wasn’t completely spent and had shaved off over an hour off of my time from the previous year.
.:Before the Beast:.
.:After the Beast:.
.:After the first bit of real feed post race:.
The Wrap Up
I’ve read a few race reviews and wrap ups from other riders since the race finished. While most riders get the point of the race some others don’t seem to. It is not designed to be a test of endurance to rival the harsh conditions that servicemen and servicewomen face on deployment. If that was the case there would be the ever present risk of improvised explosive devices, indirect fire, small arms fire and multitude of other dangers that are thrown at our men and women in uniform. And believe me; no one that has ever experienced this would like to see others subjected to it.
The is a race designed to test you both physically and mentally by giving you an opportunity to tackle an incredibly difficult ride and raise much needed funds for Solider On. By completing The Beast you achieve what many others won’t attempt; you tame Your Beast. This race is designed to try and break you mentally, this race wants you to fail, and this race puts climbs in front of you that many people wouldn’t even consider riding. But by crossing that finish line you achieve what the Beast-Worx team wanted you to experience; you found that little something deep within that you rarely let out; you pushed through the pain and emotion and achieved your goal.
This is why we choose to ride The Beast; not because it is easy; but because it is difficult and because we need to test ourselves to be better.
Training Week In Review – Week 6
Week 6 of my training regime was almost the week I went back to recovery mode. The plan was simple; I go away for a week at the snow and last year’s snowboarding lessons and practice runs would instantly comeback to me. But in reality I was barely able to get upright on the board 12 months after my first attempt.
After a couple of lessons and some really good weather at Perisher I was finally enjoying my time on the board. Some aches and pains started creeping up on me and by midweek I had an inflamed elbow, sore hip flexors and was starting to feel that familiar pain in my shoulder and left pec.
By Friday I was well and truly feeling some acute pain in my shoulder from my body meeting snow at high speed. This was confirmed on Saturday morning when I was unable to raise my left arm past horizontal; but I was quick to the chemist for painkillers and anti-inflammatories. When the girly and I got back home we unpacked, put a load of washing on and went to our first Wedding dance lesson.
I woke up early Sunday morning with the intention of attending my usual Sunday Morning Social & Breakfast with The Berm; but alas my shoulder was still tender so I set to housework instead. I did however get a quick ride in during the afternoon to stretch out my legs and test my sore shoulder.
A brief 25.8km on the bike, a wash and quick service for Kate was all the cycling action I got in this week.
Why I Ride For Soldier On
During my time in the Australian Army I served in both Iraq and Afghanistan. In 2009 after returning from 9 1/2 months in Afghanistan I knew something wasn’t right. I was aggressive to most people, wary of crowds, couldn’t sleep, had sleeping issues and started drinking heavily. Like most Soldiers, I didn’t want to talk about my issues in case I was seen as being weak and God knows there were others that were worse off than me. So I kept quiet and not surprisingly, things got worse. I didn’t want to spend time with other people and I started thinking this world would be better off without me.
After several days of no sleep, heavy drinking and almost wrapping my car around a pole on purpose, I approached and asked the Senior Soldier at my unit for assistance. Instead of the words of encouragement and avenues of support I expected from a person of that rank, I was met with “harden the f*** up and get over it”. In that one moment I felt defeated, I was dismissed by the one person who is solely responsible for the welfare of the Soldiers subordinate to them. If this person wouldn’t help me and I could no longer help myself then what was next?
Luckily for me I posted into a new unit and found the support I so desperately needed from my new workmates. After a while I finally found the courage to tell my family I needed help. Road blocks were set up by another Senior Soldier and my desperation grew greater until I hit rock bottom; I attempted to end my own life. It was only when my life was at its darkest did professional help eventually appear; it was provided by a civilian agency and organised by a very kind Navy doctor.
With only the bare-minimum of support coming from within the ADF I relied heavily on my family and friends for the ongoing support I needed. After having all support services cut off after I left the Army and the near-impossibility to secure an appointment to see a DVA accredited councillor; I started talking about my issues with others and realised that many other Soldiers had been experiencing the same obstacles; especially those that had separated from the ADF.
This is the reason I am so passionate about the provision of mental health care for returned veterans. The system is not yet good enough and so we rely on each other to be open and honest for ongoing support.
Soldier On helps by providing something other support services do not. They provide hope, confidence and a hand up – not a hand out.
Battle Of The Beasts – Update #3
Well it’s been a big week for my fundraising. After a disappointing few weeks with trying to get more exposure for the upcoming ride I had some promising leads with securing some local media interviews for radio (thank you Jeff C!) and a couple of Canberra’s newspapers.
The donations have been steady, but the Facebook ‘sharing’ and Twitter ‘retweets’ have been very active; which helps raise awareness for Soldier On. I even managed to set up a Facebook Page: Riding For Soldier On – Doing My Part For Australia’s Wounded Warriors to help keep my Facebook friends and Twitter followers up to date.
From a training perspective I’ve spent a fair bit of time on the bike and should top 200km by the end of the week. I’m not quite 100% with my pec and shoulder but from a fitness and endurance perspective I am pretty close to being at my pre-injury standard. And most importantly, after a taking a pretty big confidence hit courtesy of an overzealous Government Department; I’m feeling better and determined to work just as hard and keep rocking the apple cart.
During the week I had an article about my fundraising published in the Australian Army News. This is great for exposure within the ADF and Australian Army in particular and will hopefully be noticed by some of the Senior Ranks. Maybe they will start to realise that a handful of dedicated individuals (mostly ex-Soldiers living with PTSD) do more work for Veterans Support Services and PTSD education than they do sitting in their ivory towers dismissing mental health issues among the ‘enlisted men’ </END RANT>.
$1’815 has been raised so far and with three months to go there is plenty of time to better last years amount.
PLEASE GO HERE TO DONATE: http://beast-worx.gofundraise.com.au/page/chaddobbsBOTB13
Standing In The Shadow Of The Green Giant
As more and more returned veterans put their hands up and ask for help the processes for support services are steadily improving. Thanks to people like MAJGEN John Cantwell the stigma that is attached to persons with PTSD is slowly disappearing. It takes a lot of courage to speak openly and honestly about an issue that often results in self-harm, substance abuse and even suicide. For a high-ranking, high-profile ADF member to stand up and acknowledge that his service to his country has caused a mental illness is incredibly brave. By shedding his uniform, rank, and medals; John Cantwell has empowered other returned veterans to admit that they too need assistance.
Recognising that there is an issue is the first of many steps towards recovery and rehabilitation. The second step is often the most difficult and at times the point where a person in uniform will retreat and hide; raising your hand and asking for help.
The Australian Defence Force and Australian Army in particular are constantly in the media tackling varies issues such as sexual misconduct and gender equality. While both are extremely important in their own regard, the spotlight rarely shines on another equally important issue; the culture towards members with PTSD and depression.
I’m not going to pretend I know about every single ADF member’s details about living with mental illness. I know about my own experience and also others that were brave enough to share their stories with me. I struggled for months before I put my hand up and asked for help. As I’ve stated before I was rebuffed by the one person at my unit whose primary duty it is to look after Soldier’s welfare. Being told to “Harden the fuck up” struck a huge blow to my confidence and I started to withdraw from those around me.
Others have related the same kind of experiences to me with regards to their first encounters within the chain-of-command. Some superiors ridiculed and some provided that much needed assistance. It took several months for me to ask for assistance again. Many around me were extremely supportive; there were a small group of supporters from the Army that fought tooth and nail to get me the help I desperately needed. But there were others that seemed determined to prove that what I was living with was my fault and I should get over it.
There were words spoken to me in private while I was at my lowest point which were delivered with such venom a day rarely goes by that I don’t hear his words in my head. “You are a fucking lying soft cunt”. These words were delivered at me as I lay in a hospital bed awaiting the arrival of my parents from interstate. I had suffered an anxiety episode so severe I admitted myself to an Army hospital. This would also be the moment where others further up in my chain-of-command became aware of what was happening and after almost 12 months of living with PTSD, anxiety and depression I was finally able to acknowledge I couldn’t continue without help.
While my story is not uncommon it is certainly not the norm. Many ADF members ask for help and are looked after very well with counselling, rehabilitation services and flexible working arrangements. One of the first things that occur once an ADF member seeks professional help for depression, anxiety or PTSD is the implementation of restrictions on their terms of service. You are no longer allowed to do certain tasks that are deemed to be dangerous to yourself or others and your career and posting options are effectively stalled. While many of these restrictions are incredibly important and beneficial, such as no access to weapons or limited field time, others such as removal from your normal job into an administrative role often causes more undue stress.
I had several restrictions placed upon me when I was posted to Brisbane. No access to weapons, security clearance review, no promotion courses, regular drug testing, six month alcohol ban, weekly performance reviews, fortnightly counselling sessions and no field exercises among others. At the time of my new posting I was incredibly fatigued, I was 10kg under my ‘ideal’ weight, insomnia plagued me, anxiety attacks were the norm and of course I was acutely depressed. My new unit; in particular my Troop Commander and Troop Sergeant were incredibly supportive; and as I got to know the rest of the Squadron members I was able to continue my rehabilitation with very few interruptions.
My life was well and truly back on track and my symptoms had abated. I had met and started a relationship with my future wife and I was enjoying the availability of time to spend with my family; in particular my Twin nieces. But as with all things in the Army, resources were stretched thin and when my restrictions of service expired I was called upon to step up and take on extra responsibility. I relished the opportunity to prove my worth and performed some very big tasks with very limited resources and manning.
When the time for the new posting cycle to be reviewed came about I was bounced back and forth between a heavily constrained Career Management cell and a senior Soldier that should never have been allowed to look after Soldier’s welfare and career issues. In the end my career plan was completely discarded and the aspirations of another Soldier were forwarded to my Career Manager instead. During this incredibly stressful period I spent the majority of April to August on exercise in Northern Queensland with very little consultation on my next posting. By the time I was actually consulted about what locality I may have wanted I was given one option; Kapooka, home of the Army Recruit Training Centre. It was decided that I was to become a Recruit Instructor.
During this time I was having depressive episodes and anxiety attacks. However instead of shying away from the issues that were causing this; I tackled them head on. I solicited the advise of family, friends and colleagues on the pros and cons of taking this unwanted posting or leaving the Army; my only two options. Just as many people advised I accept the posting as those they suggested I discharge and find a new job.
Finally I gained employment outside of the Army and started my separation process. This is usually a long and drawn out process, however as it was nearing the end of the year and I had to move interstate; my paperwork was rushed through the system. My unit was incredibly helpful during this stage with many of my in-trade superiors expressing that I had made the right decision and that “The Army had changed”. It was true; I no longer felt like an individual Soldier, instead I felt like a number that was being shuffled around a giant spreadsheet.
I left the Army without a farewell, without a discharge certificate being presented and without any ongoing assistance for my depression and anxiety. Months later, after I was settled into my new home and job, did I start realising I was relapsing; I was missing my friends and previous life.
Without the support of the ADF I relied heavily on my family and friends for the ongoing support I needed. I did reach out to the Department of Veterans Affairs after the death of my Grandfather and was placed on a six-week waiting list to see a councillor. Two days before my appointment I was advised it had been cancelled and my rescheduled date was another four weeks away; I never turned up to it. Instead I started talking about my issues with others and realised that many other Soldiers had been experiencing the same obstacles as me especially those that had separated from the ADF.
This is the reason I’m so passionate about the mental health of returned veterans. The system is not yet good enough and so we rely on each other to be open and honest for ongoing support. The Australian Army was built on courage and mateship. Those that speak up about their battles with mental health issues and the lack of ongoing and adequate support services are continuing that tradition even if they no longer wear the uniform.
Training Week In Review – Week 1
Almost two and half months ago I crashed during Round 10 of the 2012/2013 CORC XC Series at Mt Stromlo. Leading up to that race I was probably the most cycle fit and confident I had ever been. This (over) confidence lead me to attempt a tail whip ride at the end of the race; a decision that ultimately ended in face full of gravel, blood and a grade-2 tear in my left pectoralis major (a torn muscle in my chest along with some ligaments).
Over the past two and a bit months I have been riding with recovery in mind and doing my best not to aggravate a very touchy injury. There were days I could barely get out of bed let alone ride a bicycle. A poor sleeping position would mean I couldn’t move my neck and shoulder. I still I have pain after waking up but surprisingly I’m very comfortable on a bike when wearing my chest brace.
The hardest part for me being off the bike was the disappointment at being injured and the boredom I was experiencing. I was at a point in my riding where I was ready to step it up a notch; thus the CORC XC Races.
So after six weeks of recovery rides, including a couple of XC races, I decided to formulate and implement a gradual Training Program. And this week was the first of many to come.
I aimed for 150km of good solid medium intensity riding for Week One. I completed 120.6km with 58km of that being some quick singletrack at Kowen Forest/Sparrow Hill and Mt Stromlo. Although I didn’t reach my target goal for the week I was very happy with the average speeds over the distances I rode and the Mt Stromlo climbs I completed with relative ease.
Plus the one and only David Blucher got a photo of me riding Kate in my Soldier On jersey on Duffy’s Decent on Mt Stromlo on Saturday afternoon.
Battle Of The Beasts – Update #1
Well I’ve been a little slack in keeping everyone up to date with my fundraising and training for the Battle Of The Beasts in October.
However, I haven’t been slack in my fundraising and other efforts in raising awareness for Veteran’s Support Services. I have contacted numerous local businesses requesting support and sponsorship for my fundraising and have had a few promising leads and some disappointing rejections.
Being an ex-Soldier and current Defence employee I contacted a few of the larger companies that are contracted to provide services to the Department of Defence. My thinking was that these companies would be willing to spare a few dollars from the hundreds of millions Defence pays them to support an ex-serviceman raise some money for wounded Veterans and their families.
Well, shit! How wrong was I! I won’t name and shame them (yet!) but I received a couple of abrupt rejections and one very sarcastic and disrespectful reply to my very reasonable request for support. I took it with a grain of salt and contacted the respondent’s supervisor; but I was extremely disappointed with the attitude shown considering their supposed support of Defence members.
Anyway… Thanks to a small number of family and friends donating at this early stage we have reached $605 raised for Soldier On. I’m extremely happy about this and very thankful; and with a few months to go I’m confident we will surpass last years total.
I’ve been riding a fair bit lately and gaining fitness quite quickly. I’ve competed in two rounds of the 2013 CORC XC Series and have been riding my road bike around Canberra and to and from work. As usual I’ve been riding with The Berm crew on a regular basis and that keeps my spirits high and head level. There’s nothing quite like being encouraged, bagged out and enjoying a coffee and breakfast with people that love bikes as much as I do.
The Girly has been very supportive as always and understands that I will randomly go for a 3 hour ride when it’s freezing cold outside. She understands I ride because I enjoy it and it’s my rehabilitation for PTSD and depression.
Recovery Week In Review – Week 6
It has been two months and two days since I crashed at Mt Stromlo during Round 10 of the 2012/2013 CORC XC Series. During that time I’ve been trying to get back to my pre-injury fitness by slowly building my strength and endurance levels. Between 1 January 2013 and 14 April 2013, when I crashed, I was averaging 250km per week on the bike. I had ridden in the Mont 24 Hour, 100km Capital Punishment, some short course XC races and plenty of 70km+ rides on both the roadie and MTB. In total I had ridden 2’242.4km in just over four months.
It’s no secret that I ride bikes as a form of therapy and rehabilitation. Exercise is an amazing tool to soften the edge of anxiety and depression. Mountain biking is something I can fully immerse myself in; the riding, the technology, the competitiveness and the social scene. Canberra has an amazingly inclusive and tight-knit mountain biking community. One of the reasons why I have enjoyed riding so much these past nine months (the first time I ever road singletrack was on 9 September 2012 at Bruce Ridge) is because of the people I have met and ridden with from The Berm. It doesn’t matter if you are a novice or an elite rider, if you enjoy riding you are welcomed with open arms.
So this week was supposed to be the start of my new training regime. The plan was to restart my daily commuting on the roadie and get as much singletrack in between as the girly would tolerate. I have a lot of ground to make up and the weather in Canberra is not very accommodating; we have had a lot of rain and sub-zero temperatures. This past week I have woken up, checked the weather on my iPhone and walked onto the balcony to gauge my tolerance of the early morning temperature. Only once did I brave the cold and ride to work.
I did however use every opportunity before and after the heavy midweek rain to ride my new Giant XTC 29er 1 – Kate. I managed to get a couple of rides in at Mt Stromlo, two at Bruce Ridge and two at Sparrow Hill/Kowen Forest. For my sixth week of recovery riding I ended up having my second biggest week in the saddle since my crash. After today’s 66.6km road ride around Lake Burley Griffin I amassed 209.1km.
So after six weeks of Recovery Riding I am now transitioning in Training Riding.
The Way Forward – Education & Improvement
When serving in the Australian Defence Force, in particular the Australian Army, it is well known that speaking up and asking for help with any form of mental illness; be it depression, PTSD or anxiety is frowned upon. While the ADF will openly claim in the media it is supportive of all struggling servicemen and servicewomen the truth is: asking for help is a guaranteed way to stall or even end your career in uniform. There are exceptions to this and that involves extremely supportive units that have a long history with dealing with members that have been wounded or are living with a mental illness.
I’ve written about my depression and anxiety previously on my blog. For years I hid the truth from all but my family and closest friends; and even then I wasn’t completely forthcoming. One of the reasons I chose to be so open about my experiences, difficulties and struggles was so that others would know that they are not alone.
On two occasions in two different units I approached the senior Soldier and asked for help. Both times I was rebutted and told to “harden the fuck up” and “get out if you can’t handle it” respectively. The main role of this position is Soldier’s welfare. These two members failed me and numerous others that approached them for assistance in their time of need. I still harbour a great deal of resentment to these people and while my career stalled for a period of time; theirs flourished and my protests over their inaction fell on deaf ears.
The ADF was going through a period of transition with it’s mental health initiatives and sadly I and others from this time fell through the cracks and decided that separation from the ADF was the best way to escape the increasing bureaucracy and feeling of helplessness. My experience with this issue is not uncommon, but the system and processes in place are getting better.
It is for this reason I am so passionate about the welfare of this new generation of veterans that have served in Afghanistan and Iraq. This week the Department of Veterans Affairs contacted me after my my post regarding my experiences with them started trending on Twitter. They admit things need to improve and they are working on it and need people who are willing to speak up about the problems in order to identify the shortfalls and improve the current processes.
If things don’t rapidly improve Australia will start experiencing what the USA is currently dealing with; the increase of returned veterans committing suicide. In just over six months, seventeen returned Australian veterans have killed themselves. I served with three of these young soldiers and that saddens and angers me greatly. I ponder over what drove them to such despair and helplessness that to them the only solution was the most final.
Blame for these deaths cannot be placed on any one person, Unit, Service or Government Department. I would like nothing more than to point the finger at someone and scream that they have blood on their hands. But this will not happen. There is however a solution; and it is a very simple one. Education and Improvement.
Education of not only the support services available to returned veterans but also education for the wider public that these people need their support and that there is no shame attached to mental illness.
Improvement is needed in both the attitude of the people of Australia and Government Departments and improvement in the services available to returned veterans.
Time is needed for these changes to occur but with the Afghanistan campaign drawing to a close and more than a decade passing since Australians in uniform first stepped foot in the Middle East; time is running out. Action is needed sooner rather than later to stem the leak before the dam wall breaks and the already struggling system cannot cope with the flood of demand.
Blogged Down By Life 