Battle Of The Beasts – Update #7

Last weekend the Canberra Times ran a story about my fundraising and motivation for riding cycling. I was somewhat apprehensive about sharing my story to a targeted audience. Blogging is a platform that I regard as a broadcasting medium…I type and post things and push it out to the internet for interested parties to stumble upon and look at. To have a quite personal story printed in the Canberra Times was a decision I made based solely on the positives I hoped would come of it.

Many returned veterans don’t speak out about their issues; especially those living with PTSD, depression and anxiety. Everyone has different reasons for wanting or not wanting to speak out. The fact of the matter is that I was not looked after by the Australian Army when I asked for help. That help eventually came from the Army; but only after a Navy doctor stepped in.  This lead to me closing up and not talking about the underlining issues for my depressive episodes.

I was embarrassed about my behaviour and the stress it placed upon my family and friends; and only after a couple of years did I realise I wasn’t alone in my experiences.

Hopefully by me speaking out about my experiences living with (I hate the terms suffering and battling) PTSD and depression it will empower others to put their hands up and ask for help and hopefully one day share their experiences with the wider world and inspire others to do the same.

Thank you very much to Canberra Times Sunday Editor Scott Hannaford and Photographer Mellissa Adams for spending a quiet Sunday afternoon at my house and listening to my story.

…Link to the original story…

CanberraTimes Article

…Click on the image to enlarge and read the article…

Training Week In Review – Week 17

Week 17 or The Last Training Week In Review Until I Find A New Race To Train For

After riding the Scott 25 Hour the previous weekend I found it extremely difficult to find motivation to get back on the saddle.  Feeling a little tender but otherwise quite good; I hit up Berm-Master Nat for an easy spin around Bruce Ridge on Monday.

Before I start whining about how Nat flogged me and made me ride up hills including the dreaded Bruce Ridge pinch; I have to say not only is Nat an amazingly generous and nice person…He is an unbelievably skilled cyclist (note I didn’t say mountain biker… I said cyclist!).  The previous day he had a little spill and ended up with some mean looking deep tissue bruising on his quads; I on the other hand had finished riding over a hundred kilometres with no sleep the day before.  “Let’s take it easy”, he said, before speeding off and leaving me staring at a Nat-shaped dust cloud ala Looney Tunes!

I enjoy riding with faster and better riders, you can watch how they ride and learn.  Mountain biking is always about adapting to change and getting better; and when you follow a rider of Nat’s calibre you pick new tricks and fix bad habits.

During the Scott I managed to overcome my bad habit of two-finger braking as a matter of necessity.  My hands were cramping and when I started my decent of the downhill section I found I didn’t have enough hand on my grips to safely navigate around obstacles at speed.

So during my ride with Nat I watched him corner his super-light Open at speed and copied his body position and soon realised I was able to lean into the corners more and rely less on tap braking to ensure I don’t wash out and meet the ground with my face.

After the ride I started to feel a bit off colour; something that would follow me well into the week and keep me off the bike.  It had nothing to do with the lap of Bruce; maybe the chest infection I picked up in Vietnam had one final trick left for my immune system.  I felt flat all week and found it very difficult to get up each morning for work; and considering I usually open my eyes and literally jump out of bed, this was a strange thing for me.

So Week 17 ended up being a rest week with very little interaction with my bikes at all.  So now as I prepare to tackle The Beast I’m feeling quite relaxed with no muscle soreness for the first time since I began training for this race.  Maybe a week off is what I needed.

Training Week In Review – Week 16

Week 16 was my week of training and preparation for the Scott 25 Hour.  The week started with a long weekend in Canberra thanks to Family & Community Day on the Monday.  So what better way to commemorate than to go for a spin around Kowen Forest/Sparrow Hill.

With fellow Bermers Roger, Tony, Alyssa and last years Battle of the Beasts riding buddy Argo; I enjoyed 34.7km of my favourite trails.

Wednesday was my first night ride at Bruce Ridge, partaking in the Regular Berm Loam’n’Lard ride.  A great ride followed by an awesome chicken schnitzel at Edgars Inn afterwards.

I stayed off the bike until Saturday morning when the Scott 25 Hour began at Mt Stromlo.  I rode a total of 111.5km during the Scott and a total of 167.3km for the week.  Not a bad second week on the bike after taking a month off.

If you want to read my wrap up of the Scott 25 Hour 2013 click here!!

Scott 25 Hour 2013 Wrap Up

I was really looking forward to the possibility of racing in the Scott 25 Hour after riding in The Mont earlier this year as part of a six-person team for The Berm.  It was a little difficult organising another Berm team for the Scott due to Mt Stromlo being the venue, the Scott being smack bang in the middle of the spring racing season and a week before the 24 Hour Solo World Championships.

A month out and it wasn’t looking like I would be donning the lycra and riding laps around Mt Stromlo until Adam “Rocket” Rolls threw me a lifeline needing a ringer for his team of four.  I jumped at the opportunity and would soon be riding with team Slow Spokes.

The Lead Up
I drove out to Mt Stromlo on Friday to set up my tent and check out the event centre.  The weather was forecast to be a perfect Canberra spring long weekend and the Mt Stromlo trails were in excellent condition.  My lead up training for the Scott had been less than ideal with a month spent off the bike and I was still dealing with the final stages of a chest infection.   I knew I wasn’t going to be posting super-fast times during the race; but was more than happy just to be riding.  When the whole team, Adam, Nigel, Dave and myself were all there we registered for the race and headed back home for a big dinner and good nights sleep in our own beds before a weekend of caffeine, junk food, no sleep and lots of riding.

S25H 09 S25H 11.:The Scott 25 Hour event centre:.

Day 1
I arrived at Mt Stromlo early on Saturday morning to find the entire area a hive of activity.  The venue was already in full swing with a heap of riders getting in some last minute practice before the course was closed.

We went about setting up our race HQ track-side; just up from transition and the event centre.

S25H 14.:Our race HQ:.
S25H 01.:Kate waiting for her race plate:.
S25H 05.:My home for the weekend:.

There was a little bit of hurry up and wait leading up to the 11am race start with some last minute bike maintenance, gear set-ups and race briefings beforehand.

S25H 16.:Team Slow Spokes Jersey:.

Once the rider’s brief was over Adam limbered up and got in place for his short sprint in the Le Mans start.

S25H 20 S25H 21.:The Le Mans start:.

Once Adam was on his way we sat down and worked out the order the rest of us were to ride.  I drew third rider and so began the confusion of which lap each of us would be riding on for the next 25 hours.  Lets get one thing straight, it isn’t a difficult concept by any means, there are two loops; the Red Loop and the Blue Loop.  We started on the Red Loop which meant Dave would be riding the Blue Loop after Adam finished the Red Loop and came through the transition point at the Blue Loop start point.

My first lap of the course was the Red Loop which was up the Mt Stromlo switchbacks and down the mountain via the bottom of the downhill track.  A few hours before the race start I discovered I had been practising on the wrong part of the course and had in fact never ridden the last 2km of the Red Loop before.  Not to be deterred I figured I’d just take it easy and learn that part of the course before I had to ride it in the dark later that night.

I took off out of transition and powered along the crit track into Fenceline and then into the switchbacks starting the ascent of Mt Stromlo.  I enjoy riding these tracks and soon found a nice rhythm all the way up and onto Western Wedgetail where I set my forks to ‘descend’ and took off down the hill towards Skyline and Luge.  Once I exited Luge I entered the part of the course I hadn’t seen yet.  I will never be a downhill rider based on one factor alone: self preservation.  I baulk at drop-off’s and very rarely launch my bike into the air on purpose.  So to be faced with multiple drop-off’s, jumps, and steep declines into sweeping berms; I was well and truly out of my comfort zone with my self preservation light blinking brightly in front of my eyes.

I made it to the bottom in one piece and quickly speed around the crit track into transition to send Nigel on his way out onto the Blue Loop.

I was feeling fairly good after my lap and tucked into a plate of dutch pancakes with ice cream to celebrate.  Nutrition and hydration are extremely important when riding and even more so when racing.  Everyone is different and has different dietary requirements.  A lot of riders eat fruit, especially bananas.  I can’t as I will vomit most fruit and I’m very allergic to the potassium in bananas.  Because of this I rely on a rotating hydration plan of water, protein drink and electrolyte drink.  I can hydrate for days prior to a race and be on top of my electrolytes during and still get cramps.  Whatever advice I am usually given about cramps is doesn’t help me as most ‘remedies’ will actually make it worse for me.  The only real thing that helps is a low electrolyte, high carbohydrate, high protein hydration/nutrition combo during and after each lap.

Soon I was off on my next laps; a loop of both the Red and Blue Loops.  Once again I made the ascent and descent of Mt Stromlo and rode into transition; but instead of tagging the next rider I made a sharp u-turn and headed out onto the long fire-road up to Blackberry Climb.  I had mistakenly thought this was to be the easy loop due to it not incorporating a fairly steep climbing section; but I was wrong.  Each track included an ascent of some sort and in comparison to the downhill section of the Red Loop there was very little time for free-wheeling at speed.

S25H 23.:Me riding down Double Dissolution (thanks to Brett for this awesome picture):.

After an hour and half rest it was time to put the lights on my bars and helmet and head out for my fourth individual and the team’s twelfth lap.  It was still light by the time I headed off but I needed the bar light on for the last 3km of the Blue Loop.  When I got back to our race HQ it had already cooled down dramatically it had now transitioned into night riding with a number of teams retiring for the night.

The Night
S25H 24
.:Transition at night:.

Night riding is a special experience for mountain bikers.  You can have your entire bar covered in lights and your riding will still be vastly different from your day riding.  I run a double bar light and single helmet light set-up that I use on low to medium setting when riding at night.  I find I can see more of the track detail with the lower settings than with my lights burning shadows onto the trees.  So as I headed out for my first night lap of the Blue Loop I was confident I knew the tracks well enough to stay out of trouble.  I was glad I had donned my knee warmers and long-sleeves as the temperature had dropped to single digits.  The lap itself was non-eventful as a large portion of the field was only riding during the daylight hours which opened up the course and allowed passing and being passed easy and a rarity.

I was able to get a couple of hours rest before my next ride; another double loop.  I emerged from my tent still wearing my long sleeves and now wearing my full length leg warmers to meet the now colder Canberra night.  This time it was the Blue Loop followed by the Red Loop.  The Blue Loop was almost a blur; I only saw four other riders and only one of these passed me and that was very late in the ride.  The Red Loop started off normally with the ascent followed by the descent towards Red Octane; the lower part of the downhill course.

It was at this point that my tiredness got the better of the me and I second guessed myself and switched which line I was to take at the drop-off.  Through-out the day I had taken the ‘A-line’ and hit the drop-off with speed and held it without any real issues.  Well at around 2am I turned right towards the ‘B-Line’ and missed the corner and experienced a front wheel washout that sent me onto my shoulder and halfway down the drop off before getting back up and heading back into transition.

S25H 25.:3am post double lap snack:.

I was lucky enough to draw the dawn lap of the Blue Loop for the start of Day 2.  I needed my lights on during the first few kilometres and then watched as the sky turned pink and the sun rose over Canberra.

S25H 26.:David B’s awesome photo at the end of the Blue Loop:.

Day 2
My second last lap was the Red Loop in what felt like stifling heat.  I pushed up the climbs trying to avoid what felt like cramping about to hit.  I alternated my position in the saddle to give my quads a slight rest before digging a little deeper to get up to Western Wedgetail in an attempt to make up some time on the downhill into transition.

sportograf-44002166_lowres.:Western Wedgetail:.

My final lap hurt; I won’t lie.  I had started to cramp up but was still keen to get my tenth lap under my belt to get over the 100km mark.  I took off for the Blue Loop as fast as my aching legs could take me.  I enjoyed this lap immensely and knowing that my wife was waiting for me in Race HQ I pushed out of the singletrack and onto the crit track as hard as I could.  When I finally got back to the rest of my team I had ridden a total of 111.5km.

S25H 30.:At that is the end of the Scott 25 Hour for me!:.

The Wrap Up
As a team, Slow Spokes completed 38 laps and covered 417.24km to finish 20th in our category and 74th overall.

I enjoyed riding in the Scott 25 Hour in 2013 immensely.  It was a fun and challenging experience; but it lacked a little something.  It didn’t have the vibe that the Mont 24 Hour had and because of that I found the motivation to keep peddling lacking at some points.  Would I do it again next year?… I believe so.

S25H 32

Training Week In Review – Week 15

Week 15 of my training for the Battle of the Beasts was my return to the saddle after almost a month of not riding.

In the months leading up to my Wedding and Honeymoon I debated and weighed up the pros and cons regarding racing in the Kowalski Classic.  The 2012 KC was not only the inaugural Kowalski Brothers signature event it was also my very first race.  I remember starting in the very last wave of the 50km race and finding myself at the tail end of the third wave riders before the feed station at the 30km mark.  I did very little lead up training and the longest I had ridden on a mountain bike up to that point was 32km on fire roads.  I loved every single minute and pedal stroke of my first race including the debilitating cramps in my calves; and the four days I couldn’t walk without pain afterwards.

The Kowalski Classic will always hold a special place in my heart; so opting out of this years event due to time off the bike and travelling back to Canberra from Melbourne was a hard decision.  From all accounts I missed out on a tough but enjoyable ride through Sparrow Hill and Kowen Forest’s finest singletrack.

While I was travelling in Vietnam and Cambodia I managed to pick up a little chest bug that was still in my system and causing me to dry cough and also cough up blood.  Because of this, Week 15 didn’t kick off until Wednesday morning with a slow ride around Mt Stromlo with my friend John.  It was the perfect ride to ease back into training; slow, steady and finding my flow.

I backed the morning ride up with a Wednesday night ride with The Berm crew around Sparrow Hill and Kowen Forest as prep for the following Saturday night’s CORC 3 Hour Twilight Race.  I felt good; albeit a little tired from the morning’s ride and a day slaving away at work.  36.9km of singletrack on Kate and my quads and calves were cramping and sore.  Welcome back to the world of cycling Chad!

BIKES 098

After spending Thursday sitting in my office at work with quads sore to the touch I decided I would break out Zooey the Giant Anthem for the upcoming CORC 3 Hour.  A quick lube and 10-point safety check of my trusty dual suspension stead on Friday morning; I strapped her to my roof and headed out to Mt Stromlo for another quick loop.  Considering I had only ridden Zooey once off road since buying Kate the XTC, I quickly found my flow and rhythm and was relishing the smooth riding and her ability to launch into the air on the smallest of jumps.  After a very enjoyable 15.1km I decided Zooey would be my ride for the next evenings twilight race.

I was very excited for Saturday night’s 3 Hour race at Sparrow Hill.  I hadn’t ridden a 3 Hour race this year and was looking forward to riding out there at night.  I’m not the greatest rider in the world by any means; but I love riding in the forest at night.  It’s a Zen-like experience riding through the pine trees with just you, the bike and lights.  Factor in a few dozen other riders feeling the same buzz and you’ve got yourself a race.

The Canberra weather had turned on the high-winds for a few days leading up to Saturday and a number of trees had fallen over on the course.  Nigel had marked out some new tracks and made the immovable trees clearly visible and soon we were on our way.

The first lap was surprisingly fast as we settled into the singletrack and headed into the first climb.  As promised there were a few detours in place and a few tree trunks requiring some bike lifting and running jumps to clear; but despite the unexpected cyclocross additions this was a super-fun course.  I settled into a steady but quick pace and was enjoying my second lap until my chain broke and I was forced to up-end Zooey and attach a quick link to get back on the course.  I spent less than five minutes making my repairs in the pitch black forest and didn’t see another rider; let alone a set of lights.  The field had well and truly spread out.

At around the 8km mark I felt all the tension in my cranks disappear and realised my chain had broken a second time.  I came to stop and looked at my rear derailleur and discovered that my chain was no longer anywhere near my bike.  I searched an area of about 50m along the track I had just ridden and couldn’t find it anywhere.  Relegated to the fact my race was now over I wanted to complete this lap as quick as possible so I rolled down the hills and sprinted up the climbs as I headed back the registration tent.  I retired after two laps and spent the remainder of the race on the sidelines braving the cold.

Not wanting to push it too much for my first week back on the bike I didn’t ride at all Sunday; instead I washed and serviced my bikes in preparation for Week 16.

BIKES 100

Training Week In Review – Weeks 12, 13 & 14

I imagine opening the door to my garage, I walk past the two parked cars, the boxes of tools and up to my bikes; two hanging on their ceiling stand and the XTC resting against the wall.  I look at my three Giant bikes, clean, serviced and facing the automatic door almost as if they are waiting to roll onto the asphalt outside. But the tyres are low and a spider has built a small but intricate web from the cold brick wall to the rear derailleur on the XTC. I look to the bench where my helmet, gloves and shoes sit; they are covered in a fine layer of dust.

My name is Chad and it has been 25 days since I last rode a bike.

It has been a busy three weeks for me.  I drove to Melbourne and got married to the beautiful Carly and travelled to Cambodia and Vietnam for our Honeymoon.  During that time I haven’t ridden a bike or conducted any sort of training outside of hiking around the countryside.

Before this break in training I was carrying a few niggling injuries including a relapse in my torn pectoral muscle.  The time off the bike has been good and has helped me relax and focus on what I want to achieve leading up to the Battle of the Beasts and for the rest of the year.

I have lost some fitness and muscle tone so I won’t be jumping into any huge rides just yet; but with a 3 hour twilight race next weekend I will aim to spend a few hours off-road and doing a recce of the proposed course.

Battle Of The Beasts – Update #4

It’s been a fairly hectic month since my last Battle Of The Beasts update.  I have spent plenty of time in the saddle training, managed a short trip to the snow at Perisher and managed to squeeze in a few cross-country races in and out of Canberra.

CORC XC Rd 4 02
.:CORC XC Round 4 at Mt Stromlo (if you look closely you can see my mullet):.

The highlight for this past month has been the opportunity to travel to Dargle Farm for the JetBlack WSMTB 12 Hour with some of The Berm riders and Pedal4Pierce co-founder Nigel Jeffreys.

Dargle Farm 2013 012.:Soldier On at the JetBlack WSMTB Dargle Farm 12 Hour:.

Even though I DNF’d during my first 12 hour mountain bike race due to illness, I had the honour of representing Soldier On at a huge mountain biking event.  There were a lot of questions from other riders, the event organisers and the Flow Magazine guys about Soldier On and why I ride for and fund-raise for them.

I’m also very excited to announce that the guys from Beast-Worx, the organisers of the Battle Of The Beasts; have invited me to compete in their next venture: The Call Of The Beast.  The Call Of The Beast is Canberra’s/ACT’s first adventure obstacle race.  I’m very excited to be a part of this and incredibly grateful that they are willing to support me in my fundraising for Soldier On.  The Beast-Worx crew are staunch supporters of all Australian Veterans and Soldier On.

My training for the Battle Of The Beasts has been going well despite a bout of illness and a week of nil motivation to train.  In the lead up to my Wedding I’ve decreased the amount of riding I have been doing but will increase the tempo dramatically in the weeks after and leading up to The Beast.

PLEASE SUPPORT THOSE THAT SUPPORT YOU
.:MY DONATION PAGE:.

The Call Of The Beast

I’m very excited to announce that the crew from BEAST-WORX, the organisers of the Battle Of The Beasts, have invited me to compete in their next venture: THE CALL OF THE BEAST.

BEAST-WORX are unbelievable supporters of SOLDIER ON & all Australian veterans, which is why they run their adventure races.  They have partnered with SOLDIER ON to bring you the best mountain biking/obstacle course/adventure races in Australia to raise money and awareness for SOLDIER ON.

The CALL OF THE BEAST is an obstacle course like no other.  It is not for shirtless posers taking selfies covered in mud at the end of leisurely stroll with 4’000 other wannabes!  This is an event that will test you physically, mentally and make you earn crossing that finish line!!

I’m extremely proud to announce that not only am I competing in the Battle Of The Beasts mountain bike festival in October I will be competing in the Call Of The Beast on November 30; racing for and raising money for SOLDIER ON!

Dargle Farm 2013 004

PLEASE SUPPORT THOSE THAT SUPPORT YOU

.:MY DONATION PAGE:.

Life Is Flow And Cycling Is Life

Earlier in the week I published a post focusing on my lack of motivation to ride and inability to  find my Flow.  After some words of advice from a few Bermers I decided to head out a little earlier for my regular Sunday Morning Social and Breakfast ride at Bruce Ridge.  With a half an hour before the others were due to arrive I headed out for a quick dawn lap of the winding singletrack.

Up until this ride I had ridden a total of 37km for the week; a far cry from the 253.6km I had I ridden the week leading up to Sunday a fortnight before.  My escape from the world, my outlet; the thing I use to control my anxiety and depression was no longer working for me.  Missing your Flow is like losing your mojo, your zen, your happy place.  I don’t ride for the hell of it; I ride because I enjoy it and I find it challenging.  Mountain biking is a sport you can constantly improve at; you will never reach your peak in any form of cycling as long as you adapt and change.

I had reached a plateau at the start of the year with my training and racing.  I needed new challenges.  Enter longer endurance races such as the 100km Capital Punishment and Mont 24 Hour; and short course cross country racing in the CORC XC Series.  I pushed myself further and got fitter and more confident because of it.  I ended up injuring myself during one of the CORC XC races and was suddenly off the bike for several weeks.  However I didn’t let this stop me; from the moment I was healthy enough to ride again I started a recovery training regime that got me back riding confidently again and improved my fitness.

Sensing that I was beginning to reach my fitness and riding plateau once again I took the huge step of reinventing my riding style.  As I was about to embark on a fitness training regime for preparation for this years Battle Of The Beasts I knew if I didn’t change something big I would lose fitness and motivation.  Something as simple as buying a new mountain bike was enough to help me break through the mental and physical barriers I was starting to build into my riding.

After riding over 1’700km on my trusty Giant Anthem X 29er Zooey I bought a new Giant XTC Composite 29er that I named Kate.  The simple act of paying a lot of money for a carbon hardtail was enough to motivate me to increase my riding time and as result better my race and training results.

Which brings me to my missing Flow.  After bonking massively due to illness at the JetBlack WSMTB 12hr and recording a DNF I couldn’t find the motivation to get back on the bike.  Partly due to still feeling sick, but mostly feeling like a failure; I struggled to find that balance between riding and enjoyment.

When you are off you can come off.  It’s as simple as that.  You don’t corner as cleanly, you don’t commit to obstacles with confidence and most importantly you don’t enjoy the time you spend in the saddle.

So this morning I headed off for a quick solo lap of Bruce Ridge and felt something I hadn’t felt during this week; I was enjoying riding.  I hadn’t yet clicked into that Zen mentality but I was close.  My lines were better, my cornering cleaner and I was enjoying tackling the obstacles on the singletrack.

As a group we did a short 10km loop of Bruce Ridge and I relished the opportunity to stay with the faster riders and push out a little bit more than I usually would for a Sunday morning social ride.  I even did something I very rarely do; I did a few jumps.  I’m a fan of sensible riding after, well lets be honest.. eating shit at Mt Stromlo showing off and not sticking a jump and tearing my pectoral muscle.  I had finally let go of trying to find my riding mojo.  As the very wise Argo said during the week you don’t find the flow…the flow finds you“.

The Flow hadn’t yet found me; but it was stalking me from behind on the singletrack ready to pounce onto my bike.

After our regular after ride breakfast at Edgar’s Inn, I headed out for Mt Stromlo for a quick ride.  When I was getting ready in the carpark I had a quick chat with one of my favourite Bermers, Kris.  For a downhill convert she seemed very happy to be going for a cross country ride and considering the sunny day, the smiling riders coming down the mountain and the fact Mt Stromlo is one of the best mountain biking Mecca’s in the world; I too was happy even before I got in the saddle.

I headed off for a warm up loop before tackling the climbs up the mountain.  At the beginning of my warm up I ran into good friend John and went for a relaxed spin with him as he cooled down after already conquering the switchbacks, climbs and rewarding downhill.  Soon I headed out for my main ride and quickly found I was going fast without really trying.

The switchbacks up the mountain felt easy, free flowing and I was passing some riders as I powered up the climbs.  By the time I reached the end of Echidna Gap and was about to embark down Western Wedgetail I knew my Flow had finally caught up with me.  I took off down Wedgetail, entered Skyline, Luge and finished at the bottom of Old Duffy’s Decent.  The downhill ride felt so good I even took the A-line on Duffy’s and launched my XTC off the rocky drop to finish the first part of my ride.

Still feeling good I headed off to the western side of Mt Stromlo for some more riding.  Each track felt good and I felt more confident with each pedal stroke.  By the time I reached the carpark I had ridden 24.6km and although I was fairly exhausted I wanted more!  Alas I packed the bike into my car and headed home.  After a quick refurb of my gear and bike for the start of the week I sat down and reflected on my week of riding.

What started off as a week of feeling unmotivated and disillusioned after a bad result in my first 12hr race; ended up with my Flow finding me.  All I had to do was stop trying to find it and relax.  Just as life has it’s ups and downs, so does cycling.

Life is Flow and cycling is life.

Where Is My Flow?

Firstly, let me get something out-of-the-way.  I like the Pixies… a lot.  I’ve seen the band live once and Black Francis as a solo act twice.  There is nothing quite like watching a fat, sweaty, old, white man screaming out the lyrics to Debaser in Spanish!  Surfer Rosa and Doolittle are unbelievable albums and are my go to albums when I feel like zoning out and just ignoring the outside world.

So anyway, after last week’s disappointing result at the JetBlack 12 Hour at Dargle Farm I have only ridden three times this week.  Wednesday was my first day back on the bike and was a short test ride of my new tubeless tyre set-up at Bruce Ridge.  I didn’t do anything special and didn’t push too hard.  When healthy and motivated I regularly ride between 250-350km a week including at least 100km on the dirt.  But after my DNF at Dargle Farm I’ve been feeling flat and unmotivated.

A lot of people are telling me a DNF is better than a DNS and at least I gave it a go.  I’m not the sort of person that generally gives up; although I am prone to being half-assed.  So after “giving up” last weekend I am now stuck in a rut of “half-ass”.  I didn’t go into the event over-confident; I was still sick but had been riding strong – maybe I set my expectations too high.

This morning I drove out to Mt Stromlo for some dawn riding with good friend and MTB newbie John.  We did the entire of Loop 2 in just over an hour which isn’t a bad effort for someone who can count the amount of times they have ridden on singletrack on one hand.  Although it was freezing cold, foggy and wet I enjoyed the ride and John definitely did judging by his big smile coming down Luge.

John On Luge.:John coming down Luge:.

Even though I powered up the switchback climbs and rolled down Luge and scored a new PR on Strava; I never felt that moment where I ‘clicked’ with my bike and the trails.  I was close but there was no ‘Flow’.

Kate At Stromlo.:Just a little foggy on top of Mt Stromlo:.

After lunch I headed off to Bruce Ridge for some afternoon riding.  Once again I wasn’t feeling very motivated but I geared up and got ready to ride.  I don’t usually ride with my headphones on; but knowing there wasn’t going to be too many people out riding I selected my Pixies playlist and headed off onto the trails.

While Black Francis was screaming at me and Kim Deal rocked out Gigantic I started feeling I was close to ‘clicking’ this ride.  I did some reversals of the normal trails and rode some of the more difficult segments.  But alas I wasn’t quite getting there.  I chose some ordinary lines that caused my back wheel to slip out on several occasions, over cornered some of the switchbacks and managed to head-butt a low branch on Pub Run.

Slowly I rode back to my car when Where Is My Mind? started playing.  I really like this song and can play along to it on both bass guitar and drums.  So when Black Francis sang about his encounter with a particularly bitey fish while snorkelling in the Caribbean I equated the bridge and chorus with my inability to ‘click’ while riding…
“With your feet on the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Your head will collapse
If there’s nothing in it
And you’ll ask yourself
Where Is My Mind Flow?